Tell people you are going to Cuba and as a woman you will inevitably hear, “Be careful of those Cuban men!”. Que te digo yo. You will hear it so many times you will consider not even talking to any men when you are there. For me, I just wondered why I was supposed to be so careful of this particular species of men. Were they crazy? Murderous? Deceiving? Or just dangerously sexy? Well whatever they were, the warnings only made me more curious to find out.
Stepping off the plane in Havana, all eyes were on us, a moment that is a little uncomfortable, especially in a new country. We figured that this would stop when we left the airport, but little did we know this would happen everywhere we went. Walking down the street, in our neighborhood, in La Habana Vieja, Matanzas, Guantánamo, wherever; all eyes were on us mujeres. We quickly learned that the men have no shame when it comes to giving women attention. At first it was unsettling to be stared at by a group of men. Eventually most of us came to ignore it, accept it, and sometimes appreciate it in a way. Most of the time it was the usual, “Linda, linda, que bonita, mi muñeca, *kissing sounds or hissing*”. Sometimes it was more creative like, “If you ever met a guy like me you would never regret it”. And sometimes it was more unsettling with an arm grab or other touch of some sort. Although these circumstances verged on the side
of assault, I don’t think any of us ever felt threatened by these men. By the time I left I almost appreciated these cat calls and car horns that sounded like the typical whistle that means “you’re good lookin’”. There are many ways to look at this and although some may say that these calls are demeaning and treating women like objects or something along those lines, to me, this phenomenon in Cuba is honest. These guys whistle at all the beautiful women that walk by them, and to them, that’s everyone. They don’t care if you are thin or have a little more meat on your bones, in fact, that’s better. They don’t mind your hair color or what you wear for that matter. If you are a woman and you are rockin’ it, they’re hooked. It was nothing like what I saw on Tough Love, a VH1 reality show I happened to catch on the tourist channels in our Santiago hotel, where a group of guys criticized everything about a group of hot women. They noticed wide hips and the way they walked. Which is worse, being complemented simply because you are a woman? or being picked apart because even if you’re beautiful you are still not perfect? In American culture, perfect has become the ideal. And perfect is not even possible. You can call this Cuban practice machismo, but Cuban men love women for being women. And I think that’s kinda nice.
I’m not going to say that machismo doesn’t exist in Cuba because that would be naïve. We saw it throughout history in our Cuban film class and sometimes in our current experience. We saw women portrayed as passive and letting the man win and make decisions. We also saw that a lot of the time women only take “woman” jobs, and things like that. At the same time, and this is completely personal opinion with not much evidence, I felt like guys didn’t feel like they had to act macho half as much as some guys in the U.S. do. The guys I met had no problem mentioning how pretty a flower is or how “cute” a dog is, and even danced with each other with no problems. My point is that a lot of guys in the states feel like they have to prove their manliness or something, like if they say that flowers are pretty they are showing their feminine side too much and they can’t show a little affection to their guy friends for fear of being seen as gay. But it’s another story in Cuba, guys didn’t seem hung up on making sure they seem manly, they just do their thing and that’s cool. Maybe it’s because they are already seen as macho just for being men, so they don’t have to try? I’m not sure.
So let me tell you some more things about Cuban men. They love. They love women, like I said before, they love their family, they love their friends, they love rum, they love love. The last few are true for almost all Cubans, but I’ll get to that later. If a Cuban man likes you, he will tell you, if he wants to see you, he will call you, if he really likes you, he will pick you a flower from a neighbor’s garden or tell you he wants to have your kids. They do move pretty quickly and especially if you are a foreigner, they will be introducing you to their family and talking about a future before you can say Che Guevara. But if you take the time to get past all this craziness, realize that you are thinking the same things but have learned not to say them in fear of sounding desperate, you can get to know them and realize that they usually are just passionate and honest. Obviously this does not go for all Cuban men because as is quite obvious in some cases, they are just after your tourist dinero or a pasaporte outta the country. For a lot of Cubans, foreigners are business. And as a wise professor once said, the genuine Cubans still might have a secret business behind their feelings. A secret business that is a hope for a better life, for a way out. And can you blame them? There are crazy, murderous, deceiving people everywhere. If you ignore the stereotypes, throw away the warnings from the people back home who have most likely never even met a Cuban man, take into consideration the truths of Cuba, and you can find yourself opening up to more than just a Cuban man, but the culture, the real Cuba, and life as they see it. And you most likely meet some great people in the process.
Stepping off the plane in Havana, all eyes were on us, a moment that is a little uncomfortable, especially in a new country. We figured that this would stop when we left the airport, but little did we know this would happen everywhere we went. Walking down the street, in our neighborhood, in La Habana Vieja, Matanzas, Guantánamo, wherever; all eyes were on us mujeres. We quickly learned that the men have no shame when it comes to giving women attention. At first it was unsettling to be stared at by a group of men. Eventually most of us came to ignore it, accept it, and sometimes appreciate it in a way. Most of the time it was the usual, “Linda, linda, que bonita, mi muñeca, *kissing sounds or hissing*”. Sometimes it was more creative like, “If you ever met a guy like me you would never regret it”. And sometimes it was more unsettling with an arm grab or other touch of some sort. Although these circumstances verged on the side
of assault, I don’t think any of us ever felt threatened by these men. By the time I left I almost appreciated these cat calls and car horns that sounded like the typical whistle that means “you’re good lookin’”. There are many ways to look at this and although some may say that these calls are demeaning and treating women like objects or something along those lines, to me, this phenomenon in Cuba is honest. These guys whistle at all the beautiful women that walk by them, and to them, that’s everyone. They don’t care if you are thin or have a little more meat on your bones, in fact, that’s better. They don’t mind your hair color or what you wear for that matter. If you are a woman and you are rockin’ it, they’re hooked. It was nothing like what I saw on Tough Love, a VH1 reality show I happened to catch on the tourist channels in our Santiago hotel, where a group of guys criticized everything about a group of hot women. They noticed wide hips and the way they walked. Which is worse, being complemented simply because you are a woman? or being picked apart because even if you’re beautiful you are still not perfect? In American culture, perfect has become the ideal. And perfect is not even possible. You can call this Cuban practice machismo, but Cuban men love women for being women. And I think that’s kinda nice.
I’m not going to say that machismo doesn’t exist in Cuba because that would be naïve. We saw it throughout history in our Cuban film class and sometimes in our current experience. We saw women portrayed as passive and letting the man win and make decisions. We also saw that a lot of the time women only take “woman” jobs, and things like that. At the same time, and this is completely personal opinion with not much evidence, I felt like guys didn’t feel like they had to act macho half as much as some guys in the U.S. do. The guys I met had no problem mentioning how pretty a flower is or how “cute” a dog is, and even danced with each other with no problems. My point is that a lot of guys in the states feel like they have to prove their manliness or something, like if they say that flowers are pretty they are showing their feminine side too much and they can’t show a little affection to their guy friends for fear of being seen as gay. But it’s another story in Cuba, guys didn’t seem hung up on making sure they seem manly, they just do their thing and that’s cool. Maybe it’s because they are already seen as macho just for being men, so they don’t have to try? I’m not sure.
So let me tell you some more things about Cuban men. They love. They love women, like I said before, they love their family, they love their friends, they love rum, they love love. The last few are true for almost all Cubans, but I’ll get to that later. If a Cuban man likes you, he will tell you, if he wants to see you, he will call you, if he really likes you, he will pick you a flower from a neighbor’s garden or tell you he wants to have your kids. They do move pretty quickly and especially if you are a foreigner, they will be introducing you to their family and talking about a future before you can say Che Guevara. But if you take the time to get past all this craziness, realize that you are thinking the same things but have learned not to say them in fear of sounding desperate, you can get to know them and realize that they usually are just passionate and honest. Obviously this does not go for all Cuban men because as is quite obvious in some cases, they are just after your tourist dinero or a pasaporte outta the country. For a lot of Cubans, foreigners are business. And as a wise professor once said, the genuine Cubans still might have a secret business behind their feelings. A secret business that is a hope for a better life, for a way out. And can you blame them? There are crazy, murderous, deceiving people everywhere. If you ignore the stereotypes, throw away the warnings from the people back home who have most likely never even met a Cuban man, take into consideration the truths of Cuba, and you can find yourself opening up to more than just a Cuban man, but the culture, the real Cuba, and life as they see it. And you most likely meet some great people in the process.
Hey Whitney,
ReplyDeleteThanks for that entry! I just got back from a 2 month trip in Cuba and girl, you're totally right. I was just searching for words to describe and understand the gender dynamics on the island and I think you've laid it out pretty well. It's interesting how the feminist movement in the U.S. has led to sort of a more androgynous culture. We don't celebrate the real differences between men and women any longer. I love your insights about Cuban men loving women for being women, and being macho because they are men. I did feel appreciated there and I hope that feeling sustains me here back in the states! You are beautiful too!
Ciao,
Maria